Three things.

1. Most reliably good type of jam, no matter the brand: raspberry. Raspberry jam kicks ass because it's sweet and tart at the same time.

2. Vote early. Vote often. The law says I'm not allowed to campaign on behalf of any party today. But I think you know where my allegiance lies.

3. I have an ear infection. It hurts. I like codeine. And I feel woozy.