The New Zealand Occupational Health and Safety Service (OSH), a division of the Department of Labour, has obviously been grappling with our recent legalisation of prostitution, and has published this document outlining appropriate workplace standards and practices for sex workers and their employers. Which I'm sure everyone agrees is very worthy stuff, and gives many vulnerable employees some much-needed leverage to bring their workplaces into line with other more well-established and less controversial industries.

But, um, some of it is also very funny. The subheading 'Doing the Job' on page 83 asks sex workers to carry with them at all times a 'work kit' containing condoms, dams, gloves, lubricants and any other 'tools of the trade'. Ahem. Page 36 has some advice for those involved in threesomes, noting that toys should be disinfected before being re-used by another worker during the session. Helpfully, it suggests: 'Each worker may choose to use a condom of a different colour in order to identify who has used the dildo last.' And a discussion of possible muscle and tendon damage on page 41 notes that sex workers are particularly prone to occupational overuse syndrome: 'Overuse conditions occur particularly among people who work in fixed or constrained postures, or who perform rapid repetitive tasks [!] or perform forceful movements.... try to alternate between repetitive and non-repetitive activities.' Thanks OSH! While I'm wanking my latest trick, I'll stop every few minutes for a non-repetitive activity like conversation! I'm sure that'll go down well. So to speak.