I hereby start the unofficial Academy Awards:

Best Boobs: Uma Thurman. GodDAMN!

Worst Boobs: Tie, Jennifer Connolly (the saggy-titted virus caught from Sarah Jessica Parker at the Emmys) and Gwyneth Paltrow (and may I just say in reference to that dress: what the flying buggery bollocks was *that*?)

Most endearing: Jim Broadbent and all my NZ peeps. Awwwwwwwwwww.

Most annoying: Halle, I empathise. Really. It's historical and significant and fabulous and all that. But get some fucking perspective (remember that Ethel Waters and Lena Horne could *sing* and act), and *do not thank your team of lawyers*, you idiot.

Most freakish person there who wasn't a member of Cirque du Soleil: the subject of the winning documentary short. I thought someone had put acid in my fajitas!